public restrooms...

I was at wal mart tonight and my potty training little boy needs to go potty urgently! I go in to women's room with my 3 year old and my 13 month old. I was really hoping for the handicap stall because it has a seat for the little one while i help the other one use the potty. Well of course its in use! And no she was not handicapped at all, no wheelchair, no walker she appeared perfectly able to use a "normal" stall. And she didn't have a child with her she needed to keep an eye on or use the little seat I had planned to use for my toddler!

Anyways.. the regular size stall is hard enough for just me to get in with my big preggo belly, let alone a toddler on my hip and a 3 year old. So needless to say i was pretty ticked at this point! I decided to let Elijah use it "by himself" and I was going to keep the door open and stand outside! As i'm bent over pulling down his pants and pull up he can't hold it anymore and pees a little on the floor and my leg! Now i'm very irritated! He went very well tho standing up at the potty all by himself though! I was very proud of him...

I was so ticked at the lady in the handicap stall so when my peed on the floor in front of the door I didn't tell her... Luckly another women was in with her little boy and helped Eli wash his hands for me... But really! Why did that women think she needed to use that stall? the bathroom wasn't busy and there were other stalls she could have used. What if a person who really needed it came in and couldn't use the restroom at all!

I guess I'm really sensitive to it in addition because my best friend growing up was in a wheelchair! But if you don't NEED it don't USE it! Another thing is why can't all places have the small toilet for children to use! I've seen some at wegmans, other wal marts and the mall! Do they really want to have to mop up pee all the time from little ones?

breast feeding

I joined the website I love, cafemom.com. I joined all these groups that apply to my life, one for each month my kids are due it, potty training, toddlers, babies, and pregnancy ones among others. Well on there today a women posted asking if she had to breast feed using her "ta tas" or if she could just pump.

I answered that I believed she could, but it would be harder and she might not get as much. I was trying to be supportive, but the nicer I was to her the more I just wanted to yell at her! I know its stupid, but I've been crazy this pregnancy! I breast feed my son Elijah till he was 1 year, and Tiernan till he was 8.5 months. They both weened themselves, and I felt like a terrible mother every time I gave Tiernan formula like I had failed him in some way. I know I'm crazy like I already admitted, but It's just how I felt. I plan on breast feeding this little one as long as she will go also!

I don't get it though. Why not breast feed? Unless the baby wont latch or some other outstanding circumstance I just don't get it. I feel that its usually the mother being selfish! Like smoking and drinking is soooo much more important then giving your child the best start possible. I guess since I don;t smoke and only drink on rare occasions that I don't get the importance. Yes two times while i was nursing Tiernan did I have a couple drinks. They were my sister in laws batchlorette party and her wedding. And I felt terrible both times that I choose what I wanted over my baby and gave him formula.

When I had Elijah I was a "Teen mom" I had turned 19 exactly 4 months before he was born. I feel like I missed out on lots having him so young. I didn't get to be a normal 19 year old, 20 year old and so on. I also feel I let my husband down on a typical dating experience when we first met. I had a babysitter our first date or two but after that Elijah came with us. I was still breastfeeding at the time and only 20 so its not like we were planning on going to clubs and bars but still. But there I was at 19 years old and I even choose my son over myself!

I sometimes can't help looking at my situation and judging other people by it. Like "I did it why can't they?" or "they are older and more mature than I was and look how I did things better." Which in honesty yes I breastfeed while I was 19, living with my sister and her family, working at mcdonalds and dropped out of college. GO ME!

I am a very shy inverted person and I would breast feed in public too! I feel if my kids hungry I'm going to feed him! It's what they were made for anyway right!? Yea I know I'm right there, if they weren't made to produce milk they wouldn't. Not that i just exposed myself, whipped out my breast in front of everyone and latched on my baby. Not even close... With my first son I used a blanket, and my second I bought a cover that wrapped around. In both cases you would have thought I was just cold and trying to keep warm if you looked quick. And yes I did nurse my son in church, but again I didn't sit in the front row and expose myself, I moved to the back, went to the entry way with the couch, or even in the nursery.

They also make shirts that are perfect for nursing so you'r abdomen stays covered and a top layer comes up to expose a nursing bra. I don't have those, they are a little costly for only a years or so worth of wear, but I'm going to beg hubby! I also bought two nursing tank tops, they work just like a nursing bra on are a tank. They work well under a sweater or button up shirt. I guess i just don;t get with all these comfort options why anyone would still choose not to nurse, its the best thing for your child!

I've had people come up to me and give me suggestions about this pregnancy or my kids that with help with problems or allergies later on and I just think "or you could just have breastfeed them and you wouldn't have to worry about it." Like I can eat peanut butter with out my baby getting asthma...

Off topic a tad... I hate maternity pants! They are terrible! After how many years of making these don't you think they could get it right? Im wearing jeans right now and they are just hanging off my butt and legs. The elastic band as soon as I washed it it folded and no longer lays flat around my belly! I just ajusted it and looked down to see a huge dark red ring around my hips from how it was sitting. These aren't cheap either, I got them from motherhood maternity! My sister got hers cheaper from Bon Ton and loves them..go figure. I paid more and hate them she paid less and loves them... At motherhood you also can't return anything. How ridiculous in my opinion. I could see if there was a time limit, so you don't wear them for your pregnancy than try to get your money back.

I feel much better after my little rant here! I feels good to get things off my chest once and a while. And since no one reads this anyways I wont get any negative feedback. Thats good I guess, even though I am kinda in the mood to debate!

Can it get much worse?

I found myself asking this question over and over again today! Can It get much worse? I know the answer is OOOH YEAH! I know everything could be a lot worse, but today was one of the worst days I've had in a while!

My neighbor must think I'm some bi polar or crazy nutcase mother who beats her kids! I slammed boxed, hit the table, screamed at the top of my lungs many times all while my 3 year old cried his head off! He was terrible today! He wouldn't listen to me for anything, he was back talking me and telling me no when I'd say anything as small as "come here" to something bigger like "clean up your cards so brother doesn't eat them!" I threaten him that he wasn't going to be aloud go for walks, see aunt Jessie, have popsicles...and the list goes on! The weather was so nice I went for a walk because I wanted to not because he deserved it! The rest he didn't get to do.

I made muffins, he ate one and the tops of four more just because he could. I don't get why he steals food! He does it all the time! Its like I don't feed him or something, But I sure do! Then Tiernan he's going to eat me out of house and home too, and he's only one haha.

So I did laundry and folded it all day and I'm sitting here with all of it but my husbands clothes folded! Elijah is sitting on top of them contemplating if its a good idea to jump off. I think his answer is "jump." I called the Child Support helpline today because it has been 4 weeks no support, but they aren't very helpful! I called my dr. because i needed to reschedule my sonogram, and follow up dr's appointment. I waited an hour or longer for a call back, just for them to tell me i had to call a different place. I called that place, they took a message called me back 20 minutes and made me 3 appointments. Then they called me back and told me I needed to go to the first place I called that sent me to them, but took away those 3, and made just one appointment! Phone tag anyone?

Now Im sitting here watching a movie that I really didn't think I was going to like just because I wanted to watch a girlie movie instead of the crap my husband watches. But the thing is...I was right. I DON'T like it. But I'm watching it anyway still. Note to all... The Ugly Truth is a very stupid stupid movie, not funny at all. But I guess its better than Saw VI or 21 jump street right?

Tiernan went to bed early, 7:30 and thats going to be bad in the am! Now Elijah is being pretty good so he's still awake but will still wake up same time! Im going to go to bed late and up early like always. Not to mention I already know I'm going to be hurting from this walk I took today! After the walk I had an errand to run so I got in the car, reset the mile thing and drove what I just walked and it was exactly one mile. I'm already hurting a little, I'm not used to getting out and going for a walk up and down hills pushing two kids in a double stroller! Put together the boys weigh about 48 pounds lol. My back hurts, sciatica, and my but and legs!

Not to mention its wednesday! I had dinner made and we ate, and it was put in the fridge by the time joe got out of work, over an hour late! He ate fast, hopped in the shower and was off to drill. Last night he was "on stand by" for a big fire in our town, but he's in the department for the town right nest to it so he was on stand by incase they needed extra help. It would have been his first fire, but instead he sat at the fire house from 1:30 am to 3:30am (ish) for nothing. I had to wake his lazy butt up this morning and he had 10 mins to get ready for work and get there!

I already know tomorrow is going to have a bad start but I really hope it goes better than today did. On that note...I'm off to put Eli to bed and finish my (sucky) movie. I need time alone before Joe gets home. But I'm not folding his laundry tonight! It can wait!

catch up!

I have a problem sticking to things! This is one thing I really want to stick with though. I haven't wrote in 3 or 4 days. I have been busy and/or to miserable to write in all honesty! So heres a a little catch up...

Wednesdays are THE WORST day of the week for me. Hubby Joe goes in to work at 7:30/8:00 and works all day, and gets out at 5. That is if he gets out on time anyway. Then he comes home showeres and eats if he has time. Then off to drill until 8ish. He's a volunteer firefighter. So for 12 hours, minus the shower and speedy dinner, I am home alone with my two boys. I love them to death but being stuck in the house with nothing to do drives me crazy. Its still to cold and snowy to go out and play outside now. Hubby didn't even get out of work until 6:30 this week. We were already 3/4 of the way done with dinner seeing as I was expecting him at 5:30 at the latest. He decided not to go to drill but after dinner he wanted to go work on his wonderful car for an hour!

He skipped drill but he and the kids got the same amount of time with him as normal. Tiernan goes to bed at 8, so I had to keep him up later than he wanted so Joe could see him for a few mins, and Elijah goes to bed at 8:30 usually so he got less than half an hour. It's so hard because Joe works long hours and barely gets time with the kids as is, but when I think he should be playing with them, he needs is down time!

Last night, friday, the boys got their pictures taken. I kinda thought it was a scam, ABC studios, how generic, but it was only $10. My mom paid for it and was coming with us to help. Well Elijah was getting a bit shaggy so he needed a hair cut before any pictures would be taken for sure! My sister took Tiernan to Mcdonalds for fries while I took Eli to get his hair cut. For one the sign on the wall said "kids hair cuts $9.95" and we were charged $11.95. There was also a sign that said "If what you pay is different than your receipt call *this number*" But I wasn't even given a receipt. Plus the girl couldn't been less interested in doing my sons hair cut! ranted he's 3 and the clippers "tickle" and he gets distracted when he should be "looking down." But she wasn't chatty or friendly, and she didn't do a very good job. It was better than before but still not what I was looking for.

So when my mom got out of work we were al ready and in the car waiting for her, and off to price chopper where the pictures would be. For starters we had to find where they were doing the pictures, it was in the back room labeled "employees only." There was no sign for pictures this way, no poster, no guy standing out there guiding us of anything. Ridiculous i think!!! So we go back there and sign in and go for our pictures. Its just a regular white background limited props and one guy with a camera (besides the sign in guy). There were flowers petals all over the cloth were the BOYS had to sit. That makes for a great picture, if they are wedding or engagement anyway... They got a pretty cute one of them together, and Eli is such a clown, he was posing and hamming it up! He got a cute picture alone also. Then time for just Tiernan haha yeah that went good... He gave a cheesie face and played with the flowers. Then we tried on his belly and he crawled away.. he got an ok one but oh well.

What we paid for was just one 8 x 10 I think of both of them (the $10), then the camera guy says "you got 150 on you" Like i just carry it around for s's and g's. Then he asked my mom, yea ok. We knew he was trying to scam up into getting all those special prints and all that. But not like he even sat down with us and showed us all the pictures (besides on the back of his camera). We weren't paying for something before we saw the end result you know! But next friday I get to go back and pic up our picture.

Today were going to wal mart in fulton, its about 15 minutes away from the one in our town. But my mom has anxiety and can't travel out of town. My dad asked if I wanted to go also, I think he thinks that having the boys as a slight distraction, and me and him as moral support she will do good! I'm excited, I get to go out of the house. The better she gets with this the more we can all do together. I remember when I was little (elementary school) we'd go to the mall with my aunt and other store that are more like 45 minutes form home. I'd love to be able to go to the mall with my mom again, and the boys. Sounds silly but its the little things sometimes that mean a lot right?

I have a feeling we'll end up going out to eat, it will be the third time this week that the boys go out. My parents went out with us on Monday, that we went after the hair cut. We never really go out but 3 times in one week, thats a bit much. I've been trying to eat healthy lately with this pregnancy. But when I eat healthy I want to eat lots more often! I guess its different when its good for you, but I feel like a pig! Within the last 2 or 3 days I ate a whole head of iceburg lettuce.

I know a lot more has happened with in these last few days but my memory is shot! Pregnancy brain you know! Ta Ta for now!

What a day...

Yesterday we all woke up usually time, I made breakfast for my little family of 4, now sure why 4 of us can eat a dozen scrambled eggs. That kinda sickens me to think about! But the boys and I left around 10:30 for church. As soon as we get there we take our coats off and Elijah removes his shoes as well. He's just like his mommy, if I don't need to wear shoes I don't! Tiernan woke up at 6 again so was over due for his nap by this time! So during church Tiernan actually took a bottles of cold milk and slept through the pastor.

Now let me explain... We sit in the front row of an evangelical church! If you've ever been you know thats sleeping is not an option! This boy barely will drink cold milk in a cup, and nothing but warm milk in his bottles! So for him to even fall asleep was amazing! Then to stay asleep I was amazed to say the least.

After church I was late of course because I love to chit chat and so do most women there! I had to pick up hubby from home and then drop Elijah off with Corey, his father at my parents. I was late of course but not more than 5 to 10 minutes so I think I was ok! Afterwards hubby decided to look at a car he saw on craigs list earlier. It is a 96 Buick lesabre for only 500! Not bad right? Well we get there is the body is great and its suppose to run, but needs something rather minor in "the car world." The guy and hubby try starting and jumping this car for 20+ minutes while I try an entertain Tiernan in the back seat! I'm hungry, he's hungry, and I know that everyone is at lunch with out us I was ready to take off with out loving hubby! Being tenacious, and a mechanic, hubby kept at it!

Finally hubby decided is not worth it and were off to lunch! FINALLY! Hubby then calls the guy back and offers him 200 for the car. He knew he could fix it up cheap and it would be worth it, and the guy was in desperate need for it gone since it would be towed and impounded the next morning! The offer was counter offered with 400! Yeah right! The guy calls back and say 350... hubby says he doesn't really need the car, we don't, and he will only go 250. We get a deal. He could scrap it and come out even! We buy a batter and go buy our "new" car. Needless to say, a new battery was all it needed. Now we have two vehicles and share a driveway with our neighbor. Its a 3 car driveway, but hubby fits the truck and the car at the narrow back and sucks in his gut to get out between them!

By this time Tiernan and I had been in the car for way way to long, and we had Elijah again now. We head over to my sister for homemade chicken noodle soup, italian bread and banana cream pudding pie thing for desert. Mmh! After a hectic day running here and there and everywhere it was nice to just sit down, eat and play a game! Eli got to run free, Tiernan got to crawl ALL over, and I got out of that dang jeep! We stayed way to late like always, but with the boys staying up late (even though both fell asleep there), they slept in today so I got to also!

Did I mention this was all done in heals? haha...what a day!